Gregory, South London

Gregory, 69, South London

I do remember a time, a long time ago, when I wasn’t yet a young man. I had an idea that something didn’t feel right in me. I seemed to be nervous all of the time. And the heart palpitations, you know, they were frequent. They would jump up at me all the time. I tried to ignore them but sometimes they just grabbed me like I was choking and I couldn’t breathe. It was distressing, really. I didn’t understand why this was happening to me. I felt like my body was betraying me, and it was attacking me all the time.  And it made me more nervous about leaving the house back then because I didn't know when to expect the next attack. I wanted to hide away.

My mother told me to go and pray hard for forgiveness; that the Lord was telling me to be better boy than I was. Some time later my father told me that I needed to be strong, that it was no good carrying any weakness from my boyhood because that would make me a weak man. I needed to be tough, that’s what he always said. 

So I would cry. I cried a lot as a boy and a young man. I felt alone sometimes. 

I didn’t do so well at school, but I knew that if I continued to pray the Lord would make sure I would be ok. And I was. He got me through some difficult times. And that was it. We must learn to be strong and not make a fuss. That is life, you know.