How My Friendships Have Evolved And Helped Mould Me Into Adulthood
Warning: this post can be triggering, but we felt it important to share it exactly as the author intended it to be read.
Sometimes we may take the loved ones we have in our lives for granted.
Especially the ones that have been there for a long time, we forget to appreciate how they can positively influence our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
I felt like I always had a good group of friends surrounding me growing up, and I am lucky and blessed to say that. For some, I know it has not been easy choosing the right group of people. Friendships are vital to our well-being. They help us grow and develop as people and ultimately play an important role in who we are, especially in adulthood.
In school, it was easier to make friends. I would find out what hobbies I liked and connect with others who were into the same things. But as I got older, I realised which friends were genuine and which ones were close to me just because I saw them every day. Similarly, when I chose to go to university, I was friendly with people on my course, but I stayed friends with those I didn’t want to lose.
As an adult, I’ve understood the value of having good people in my life, people who add something meaningful and positive. I’ve learnt to respect boundaries and work on my communication as well. And this is not just with friends, but with the relationship I have with family members, too.
I’ve noticed that each friend and friendship group I’ve been in has served a different aspect of my life. Work friends, for example, before the pandemic, would always be up for socialising and meeting up after work. Uni friends were the same, wanting to meet up in an environment that wasn’t so stressful—wanting to open up to you and get to know another side of you.
Not everyone is social, however. Some friends thrive in smaller groups and don’t feel the need to know new people, and that’s okay too. Either way, you are letting somebody into your world, making space for understanding and acceptance, and creating a sense of purpose.
Lockdown has shown me who I care about and who I’m happy to reach out to without feeling awkward or hesitant. I don’t speak to some friends regularly, but I know when we catch up, it’ll be from where we left off. Everyone is busy and has their own lives, so I know not to take offence from individuals who may need their distance. They may have a lot going on, and I have to understand that. I think it’s good to have my own space and time to myself, but I think it’s even better to talk to someone so I’m not holding it all in.
Like many others, my mental health has been tested in this pandemic. But reaching out to those who genuinely want the best for me has helped remedy any negativity. When I’ve felt lonely, it’s nice to know there’s at least one person I can reach out to, helping with my self-esteem and well-being.
Some people may just fade away from your life, and that’s fine. We shouldn’t feel the pressure to try and force a relationship if nothing is holding it together. It’s good to walk away from people who you think aren’t adding anything to your life. And not in a rude way but a way of growth and progression for what you want. We should always be wary of friendships when they start to feel toxic. When things begin to seem one-sided, and you don’t feel appreciated as a person, then it’s a good idea to rethink that situation.
I know that having good friendships has improved the quality of my life. I’ve laughed the hardest with the ones I love, made memories with people I care about and shared secrets that I would otherwise take to the grave! With all the good, there are also challenging times that can creep up. It’s normal to disagree with someone close. But it’s necessary to know that real friends will only have your good intentions at heart. Their opinions may hurt feelings, but sometimes we need to hear them. They are there to help us grow, question our choices, and help mould us into the individuals we are today, even if we don’t realise.
-Seraphina Adebayo
Follow Seraphina on instagram on @wordsbyseraphina.